12.1 - When Ordinary Moments Carry Eternal Weight
Some of the most important moments in life don’t announce themselves in advance. They don’t arrive with fireworks or flashing lights. Instead, they slip in disguised as ordinary evenings, ordinary meals, ordinary conversations. Only later do we realize how much was really happening under the surface.
John 12 opens with one of those evenings. Six days before Passover, Jesus is invited to dinner at the home of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus in Bethany. On the surface, it looks simple: friends gathered for a meal. But by the time the night ends, this gathering has become one of the most remembered scenes in the Gospel.
It’s worth asking: why? What happened at this dinner that still speaks across centuries? And what can it teach us about life, love, and even the way our brains and relationships work?
1. Meals Matter
The first detail John gives is deceptively simple: “They gave a dinner for him there” (John 12:2).
Never underestimate the power of a meal shared.
We don’t usually think of dinner parties as history-making. And yet, much of life’s meaning is discovered not in formal ceremonies but around tables.
Modern psychology confirms this: studies show that families who eat together regularly have stronger bonds, better communication, and healthier emotional lives. Shared meals lower stress, reduce risky behaviors in teenagers, and increase a sense of belonging.
“The most important predictor of academic success for kids is not homework or after-school programs, but whether they regularly eat dinner with their families.” — Anne Fishel, Harvard Medical School
At Bethany, the table became the setting for a moment of extravagant love. But it may also be the setting for excruciating pain. It was around the table when we heard the final report on our granddaughter, Millie, "There are no more options.”
👉 To my Grandchildren and their children, never underestimate the power of a meal shared. It may be the most important thing you do in a day.
2. Different People, Different Ways of Loving
Martha was serving, Lazarus was reclining at the table, and Mary was about to pour out her gift. Each loved Jesus in their own way.
Counselors talk about “love languages”: some show love through words, others through gifts, acts of service, quality time, or physical touch. That framework is modern, but it echoes what we see here. Martha served. Mary gave. Lazarus simply showed up, fully present after his own brush with death.
Life is like that. We don’t all show love in the same way. Some of us cook, some listen, some fix what’s broken, some bring laughter, some simply sit with us when words won’t do. The mistake comes when we expect everyone to love the way we do.
The dinner in Bethany reminds us: there’s room for all kinds of love.
3. Sometimes Gratitude Looks Foolish
True gratitude often looks extravagant — an act that lingers long after the moment has passed.
Then Mary does something unforgettable. She takes a pound of perfume so costly it was worth nearly a year’s wages, pours it on Jesus’ feet, and wipes them with her hair.
Even today, that would be considered extreme, maybe even embarrassing. People whisper when someone gives away “too much” or risks reputation in the name of love. Yet Mary didn’t calculate. Her gratitude overflowed.
Neuroscience tells us that gratitude changes the brain. It activates the same reward centers as joy, reduces stress hormones, and increases resilience. Extravagant gratitude may look irrational, but it literally rewires us and those around us toward well-being.
“Gratitude literally rewires the brain, activating dopamine and serotonin — the same chemicals that make us feel joy and connection.” — Alex Korb, The Upward Spiral
Sometimes love or gratitude will make us do things that don’t “make financial sense” or that others don’t understand. But those are often the acts that echo the longest.
👉 To my Grandchildren and their children, if you’re ever tempted to hold back kindness because someone might laugh at you, remember Mary. Better to look foolish for love than to look clever for selfishness.
4. The Fragrance of Authentic Love
John notes that “the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.”
What a beautiful detail. Everyone in the room was touched by Mary’s act, whether they understood it or not.
Emotions are contagious. When one person acts with genuine kindness or courage, it shifts the emotional “climate” for everyone else. Our brains are wired to resonate with the feelings of those around us.
John captures that truth in a single sentence: love changes the atmosphere. It lingers. It spreads. If we pause and visualize ourselves in that room, we can take a deep breath and almost smell the fragrance.
We all leave a fragrance wherever we go. The question is, what kind?
5. The Mask of Criticism
Not everyone appreciated Mary’s act. Judas objected, claiming the perfume could have been sold and the money given to the poor. It sounded virtuous, but John lets us in on the truth: Judas didn’t care about the poor — he cared about the money.
This is a textbook rationalization. We cloak selfish motives in noble language. Counselors see it all the time in families and organizations: criticism “for the good of others,” that’s really self-protection.
It’s a sobering reminder to check our own hearts. Are our objections really about principle, or about comfort?
6. Timing Matters
Jesus defends Mary: “Leave her alone… it was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial.”
Some opportunities never return. The right moment to love is often now.
Mary’s act was more significant than she realized. She seized a moment that would never come again.
Scientists say that our minds create “flashbulb memories” around emotionally charged, once-in-a-lifetime events. Acts seized in the moment shape memory far more deeply than delayed intentions.
Life is full of moments like that — opportunities to say the words, make the call, give the gift, show up. We think we’ll always have another chance, but sometimes we don’t.
Recently, on a Sunday afternoon, my childhood friend Rodney Edmondson stopped by the house to share his engagement news, a few laughs, and a bowl of his signature homemade ice cream. The following Friday, he died of a massive heart attack.
Mary and Rodney remind us: some gestures are too important to delay.
👉 To my Grandchildren and their children, when you feel prompted to love, act. Don’t wait for a better time. The better time may never come.
7. A Living Testimony
Sometimes the most powerful testimony is simply showing up and being present.
Meanwhile, Lazarus himself was at the table. Just days earlier, he had been in a tomb. Now he was eating bread with his friend.
No sermon was needed. No explanation. Just his presence. People flocked to Bethany not only to see Jesus but also Lazarus — living proof that life can be restored.
People are moved more by visible transformation than by arguments. A story lived out is more convincing than words spoken. This is true narrative power.
“The single most powerful predictor of resilience is not what you know or say, but who you have with you in the room.” — Bruce Perry, Child Psychiatrist & Neuroscientist
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer isn’t advice, but our own changed lives.
8. Resistance to Change
The story ends with the chief priests plotting to kill Lazarus. It’s a dark note: instead of celebrating life, they tried to eliminate the evidence.
This, too, fits what we know of human nature. Systems resist change. Psychologists call it homeostasis: families and organizations will cling to the familiar, even if it’s unhealthy, because it feels safer than change.
It explains why some resist growth, healing, or new beginnings — not because the evidence isn’t convincing, but because it threatens the status quo. As we allow our actions to be guided by our inner voice rather than our outer culture, those around us will be divided into two camps: those who consent and those who dissent.
The lesson is clear: expect resistance when life changes for the better. Don’t let that stop you.
9. Ordinary Moments, Hidden Weight
What makes this dinner unforgettable is that it was both ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. A meal with friends became a foreshadowing of Jesus’ death, an act of extravagant devotion, and a public witness of resurrection.
Cognitive science tells us our brains often reinterpret ordinary events in hindsight. We look back and see turning points in moments that felt small at the time.
That’s what John is doing here: reframing a meal so we can see the weight it carried.
It’s a reminder to treat the ordinary with reverence. You don’t always know what will matter most until later.
A Gentle Spiritual Note
For those who see more in this story, it’s impossible to miss the thread of Jesus’ journey to the cross. Mary’s gift became preparation for His burial. Lazarus at the table foreshadowed resurrection. Even Judas’ objection points toward the betrayal to come.
But here’s the thing: even if you strip away the spiritual layer, the truths remain. Meals matter. Love is diverse. Gratitude can be extravagant. Timing is precious. Authentic lives leave a fragrance that lingers.
That’s wisdom for anyone — believer or not.
Closing Reflection
When I think about this dinner in Bethany, I can’t help but imagine it happening in my own kitchen. A crowded table, different personalities, some laughter, maybe even some tension. And hidden within it all, the possibility that one small act of love might ripple out far beyond what anyone could see at the time.
The lesson is simple, but not easy: pay attention to the ordinary. Don’t hold back love. Don’t wait for perfect timing. Trust that even simple meals, acts of generosity, or just showing up can carry weight you’ll only recognize later.
👉 To my Grandchildren and their child, if you take nothing else from this story, take this: life’s most important moments will often look ordinary. Don’t miss them. And don’t be afraid to make them extraordinary with your love.
Five Key Insights from Bethany’s Dinner Table
Ordinary moments can carry extraordinary weight. What looks like “just a meal” may hold the turning points of your life.
Love has many languages. Don’t expect everyone to love the way you do — serve, give, show up, listen — all are needed.
Gratitude changes the atmosphere. Acts of love may look foolish, but they linger like a fragrance long after the moment.
Some opportunities won’t come again. When you feel prompted to love, don’t wait. The right moment may never return.
Your life may speak louder than your words. Presence, transformation, and simple faithfulness can impact others more than arguments ever will.
Five timeless lessons from Bethany’s dinner table — wisdom for both ordinary and extraordinary days.
